17 August 2026
“One is the loneliest number, two can be as bad as one, but the loneliest number is negative four. Kevin remains lower than dirt in standings, much like the morality of Southampton. Our reigning champion enjoyed some humble pie as Bristol City laid a goose egg in its opener — oh, and speaking of birds, it seems migration got a late start this year, as the Canaries were completely absent from week 1 competition. Finally, the Dragons are receiving widespread praise for allowing a severely mentally challenged man the opportunity to commit a foul just outside their 18 in the final second of the match.”
— Gilded Consigliere, 17 August 2026